I’m going to leapfrog on an idea that Heartiste mentioned on his blog earlier this week. He introduced readers to a concept that was discussed on a blog by Giovanni Dannato. While I don’t put my stamp of approval on all points per se, Dannato’s idea of a Fat Chick Tax is intriguing. The ugly truth is that the growing herd of obese women in America does more than simply bombard men with negative visual stimuli. The reality is that our nation’s plethora of porkers demoralizes our nation’s men and upsets the social order. Girls who insist on butching off their hair bring about the same result. A girl with short hair may be thin and/or have a pretty face, but the vast majority of guys will still find a chick with a boyish cut repulsive. Therefore, if we are going to entertain a Fat Chick Tax, I hereby propose a Girls with Short Hair Tax as well.
I have never personally dated a girl with a boy’s haircut. And, at times, I have been that guy who has roasted a friend who chose to spend his evening entertaining a pixie chick. On those nights I have been out, and a girl with a cut like a Q-tip has taken a liking to me, I keep the conversation short and sweet and then politely excuse myself. Have I given up a few slam-dunk opportunities? Yes, I have. But what’s the point? To me, there is nothing remotely arousing about a girl with a cropped cut. In fact, it is a solid indicator that the woman is damaged goods. I question the very sanity of a girl who has actively chosen to disfigure herself by shearing off her femininity.
Now, when it comes to a potential tax, I’m not talking about girls who are over 40. Women who have passed their prime years would not be subject to the Girls with Short Hair Tax. Obviously women who are dealing with serious medical issues would be exempt as well. Girls who’s husbands have green-lighted their new “empowered” do would also technically be off limits. But single ladies between the ages of 18-36 who have chosen the “I’m With Her” haircut are simply a blight on our nation. An otherwise adorable female, at the peak of her womanly beauty who decides to go aggro is an affront to every man, regardless of his age.
The equivalent dating handicap for men? Imagine if an able-bodied man voluntarily chose to cut six to ten inches off of his current height.
Don’t even bring up the fuckdiculous argument that some women can “pull it off.” That’s a steaming pile of bullshit, as no woman looks better with short hair than hair past her neck.
Most men will be repulsed by the “after” pictures in comparison to the “before” shots. These are female celebrities have created careers and platforms in large part due to their beauty. When a girl who we know, perhaps a 6, 7, or 8, decides to go butch, the results are far more nauseating.
If the Girls with Short Hair Tax dissuades some women from making a disastrous life choice, well, that tax isn’t really a penalty. In fact, it does them a favor. Cigarettes are taxed heavily so that some may avoid spending their later years fighting cancer. A Girls with Short Hair Tax would save many women from spending their later years crushed by loneliness and regret.
Additionally, a sharp cut toward Pixie land tends to be a visual cue of a sharp turn toward the left in political ideology. Scarlett Johannsen is a prime example:
In a few short years, she has morphed from the ideal ‘girl next door’ into a shining example of Rancid Feminism.
Now, it’s important to distinguish that the Girls with Short Hair Tax would be applied to those who trim their hair higher than two inches past their jaw.
Never in human history, has a woman looked better with her hair cut short when compared with her hair at or past shoulder length.
And any law that taxes
Emma Gonzalez Butchy McFist-A-Vag is a law that real men around America will gladly support.
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